Furnace
by jessicakaycobb
Summary: Bella jumps off the cliff and is *not* seen. How Jacob and Bella's relationship might have progressed. Series of as of now plot-less lemony oneshots. Enjoy!
1. furnace

I sat next to Jacob in my truck, thinking. He had driven me home; I was still a bit shaky and weak after my near-death experience this afternoon. Jumping of a cliff and almost drowning will do that to a person.

But I'd spent all day sleeping on Billy's couch, and I was feeling at least awake now as Jake pulled to a stop in front of my house. The porch light was off; Charlie had forgotten to turn it on when he left for Harry Clearwater's funeral. It was almost eerie when Jacob turned off the engine and the headlights faded to nothing.

The streetlight across the tiny street cast a large pool of white light around where we were parked; it filtered through the windows of my old truck and washed over my side of the seat, making me even more unnaturally pale in comparison with Jacob.

Suddenly, his arm was around me, pulling me tight to his side. It felt nice; his insane body heat warmed me when I hadn't even realized I was cold.

He didn't speak, he just pulled me closer and leaned his cheek on the top of my hair. He inhaled, and I exhaled at the same moment. I was always so _comfortable_ with Jacob.

All day I had been thinking, wondering, asking myself how I felt about Jacob. I knew I loved him; I always would. And he loved me. What else was there to think about? Was there anything more?

Yes. There had been. There _had _been more in my life, once upon a dream, but it had been unceremoniously ripped from me.

What was left? Did I have enough left of me to love Jacob in the way that he deserved?

Maybe. There was really only one way to find out.

My stomach did a funny little flip as I turned my head and tilted it up to look into his eyes. He stared back at me, the surprise evident on his face at my unusual behavior. This wasn't the way things usually went; I was always careful to keep things light with Jacob.

My breathing hitched slightly, and I knew he must be aware that my heart was speeding up at an alarming pace. His eyes were searching my face now, uncertain. He brought a hand up to my face gently and placed his heated palm on my cheek. I closed my eyes on his touch and took a deep breath.

When I opened my eyes again, he was watching me intently, his dark eyebrows furrowed together.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice coming out huskier than I'd expected. I knew that he was expecting me to push him away at any second. I didn't want him to talk, though; I might change my mind.

For the past few months I had been trying my hardest to find ways to be reckless. What was more reckless than this? Only this time, I wasn't in search of the delusion; I was looking for peace, for comfort, for some sense of normalcy. For warmth.

I shifted slightly so that I was facing him better. I hesitated, then raised my right hand slowly to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes. It was always in his eyes now; he was growing it back out because he knew I liked it. Had I any right to ask for more than this boy, this man, who was sitting here with me now, who loved me more than self, who would do anything for me?

I dropped my eyes to his lips, too beautiful to belong to anyone with a Y chromosome, and heard him draw a ragged breath. I looked up, and his eyes were locked onto mine.

"Bella," he repeated, running a hand up my arm to my neck. I shivered, but did not look away. His eyes darted between my eyes and my lips, and I realized I was leaning

closer only a half second before our lips met.

His lips were warm and soft, yielding against mine in a strange new way that I wasn't used to. My heart stuttered wildly in my chest as his hands found their way into my hair.

It was odd, how I felt no guilt as I kissed him back hungrily; how I hadn't realized how much I had needed some sort of human contact after the long months of isolation I'd put myself through. I felt nothing but the warmth of Jacob's skin radiating off him like waves, and the sudden fire coursing through me as he wrapped a long arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

My logical brain was telling me to stop, that I probably would change my mind later and was likely to regret this whole thing after I'd thought about it.

But I wasn't being logical just now.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself into his lap; now I was facing him sitting astride his long legs as I buried my hands in his hair and pulled him closer.

So far this was still just a kiss, a bit more than perfectly innocent, probably, but nothing out of control. Hardly reckless at all.

Jacob's hands ran up and down my back, burning me slowly; vaguely I noticed that the windows in the truck were becoming foggy from our combined heat. My mind was fogging up pretty quickly, as well.

I could feel his hot breath in my mouth now, searing me from the inside out. I couldn't stop myself; I traced his bottom lip with my tongue, and to my intense surprise, he didn't pull away, but thoroughly kissed me back. I shouldn't have been surprised, though, it was only Edward who wouldn't allow such advances…

So I fiercely shoved that thought away and pushed my luck even further. How far would Jacob let me go?

I pulled myself closer still and threw caution to the wind. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, experimenting, exploring, tasting. He mimicked my motions, pulling at my body, his hands chafing my arms, running up my neck, over my hips and down my legs. I couldn't breathe.

I wrenched my mouth away from his so that I could catch a breath of air, and he trailed kisses down my neck as I fought to drag air into my lungs and keep from passing out.

It felt like the truck was going to spontaneously combust, it was so hot. Everything was burning: Jacob's hands on my body, his mouth on mine, his chest as my own hands traced over it. The heat was overwhelming. I honestly couldn't breathe now; there was no air.

"Jake?" I gasped, pushing at his shoulders to get him away from my neck. He didn't hear me at first; he'd found a particularly sensitive spot and was busy driving me absolutely out of my mind. I tried again. "Jacob?"

He froze immediately and pulled back, eyes closed.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, I - " he began. I rolled my eyes. He thought I was stopping him because I didn't want this. He had no idea how little this had to do with _want _and how much to do with _need_.

"Jake, it's fine, I swear," I reassured him, my voice coming out ragged and uneven. I laughed. "I just can't breathe in here."

Jake relaxed a bit. He opened his eyes to study my face for a second. His eyes were so dark in the dim light of the truck cab. I really don't know what came over me just then, but I honestly couldn't stop myself.

I lunged at him, kissing him more fiercely than before, burying my hands in his hair, pushing my body as close to him as I could get it - yet not nearly close enough, for some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on. He kissed me back for a minute, then slowly pulled me away a fraction of an inch, resting our foreheads together, both of us breathing much too fast.

"Bella," he panted. "Are you trying to kill me?"

I laughed. "Oops. Sorry, Jake."

"Sure, sure. I'll _bet _you're sorry," he mumbled. Then all of a sudden, I noticed something. It was a testament to the fact that I'd never done anything quite like this that I hadn't noticed before. I froze, and my eyes went wide.

Jacob grinned ruefully. Then he placed a hand on either side of my waist and tried to lift me off him into the passenger seat. I wasn't budging, though; this was _not _over, not yet. I shook my head and pulled at his hands.

"Bella." He was trying to sound stern. I bent my head to kiss him again, and made a split-second decision. I wanted to see how far I could go, right?

This was so unlike me that I couldn't believe I was going to do it, but I pushed past the sudden nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach with scorn; after all, this was _Jacob_. No reason to be afraid. I took a deep breath and moved my body forward and down, grinding my hips into his lap and across the hard bulge I'd noticed a second ago.

Jacob let out a strangled growl and broke our kiss; his head rolled back for a second, then he brought his fiery eyes to meet mine. I actually was fighting to keep from losing consciousness now - it had felt so _good _that it had shocked me for a moment.

He let out another low growl and pulled me back to him, kissing me forcefully. I got braver; I repeated my movement. It still felt amazing; it just seemed like it wasn't enough, somehow. Jacob seemed to feel the same way. He grabbed my hips again and helped me to grind into him harder than before.

I moaned into his hair. His mouth was at my collarbone now, doing strange things to my brain, clouding it, making me want…I wasn't sure, but this wasn't enough.

"Jacob," I gasped. It seemed like it took an extreme amount of effort, but he pulled away from me.

"What?"

"I was wondering…if maybe we could go…" How to ask this question without sounding like a stupid old movie? "…upstairs?"

Jake laughed. "You sound just like a bad movie, you know that?"

I frowned. "Well, if you don't want to, then…"

He answered me by kissing me again, until my mind was sufficiently fuzzy once more.

Then he opened the door and set me on the sidewalk. He grabbed the key from the ignition and got out, too, slamming the door behind him. He reached for my hand as we walked up the steps to the house, unlocking the door with the spare key from over the eaves.

The house was dark and quiet. Jacob shut the door, completely blinding me for a moment. I felt him sweep me up in his arms, and the rush of air past my face; then a half-second later he was setting me on my feet in my room.

"Whoa," I breathed. "That was fast."

He shrugged. Then he looked at me intently. I could tell that he was uncertain again, after all, here in my room, the atmosphere was different than it had been in my truck.

He was trying to see if I had changed my mind.

I stood on tiptoe and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down so I could kiss him again. That seemed to settle it in his mind, and a second later, we were on my bed.

Jacob's wild, passionate kissing was so different from the way I'd been kissed before - by _him _- I refused to think his name just now, not that I had enough sense at this moment to be thinking much of _anything_. Except for the way Jacob's hands seemed to be everywhere at once, the way that his mouth felt on mine, the weight of his body as he moved on top of me.

Suddenly, I became aware that he was undoing the buttons on my shirt. I wrenched my mouth free of his and gasped; he froze. His eyes snapped to mine, _I'm sorry _radiating from them as he waited for me to push him away. But I didn't want him to stop. He'd just surprised me, that's all.

I put my hands on his and helped him with the button he'd frozen halfway through undoing. I wanted to see how far this would go, I reminded myself. Plus, my body was almost screaming for him not to stop.

He bent to kiss me again, and I wasn't even aware he'd finished with the shirt until he broke away and trailed kisses from my neck to my belly button. I struggled to breathe.

All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to feel his skin on mine. I tugged at his black t-shirt, and he complied by pulling it over his head in one fluid motion. I pulled myself up so that I could kiss his bare chest; he slid my shirt off my shoulders.

He pressed me back on the bed and attacked my mouth again. The feel of his skin on my skin was exquisite. He was so warm.

The next thing I was aware of was undoing the top button of his blue jeans. I couldn't remember consciously making the decision to do it, but my hands seemed to be acting of their own accord. I didn't stop them.

I grabbed the edge of his jeans and pulled, using my feet to help him kick them off. The whole time, his mouth never left mine. I felt his hands on the button of my jeans; they were trembling. I helped him with the fastenings and then I was kicking them off; they fell off the edge of my bed with a muffled sort of thump.

Now all that was between us were a few scraps of cloth. Jacob's hands roamed more freely now, and I allowed mine to do the same. His back, his chest, his arms, all were russet-colored satin stretched over the steel fibers of his muscles. I couldn't stop touching him.

I didn't hesitate as he reached for the fastenings of my bra; I didn't even flinch as he became frustrated with it and accidentally ripped it in his effort to remove it. He tossed it into a corner and turned his attention to the newly exposed skin. It felt so good to have him touch and kiss me there, and I suddenly wanted there to be _nothing _between us.

I pulled him up to my mouth again and tried to distract him as I trailed my hands down to the waistband of his boxers. I tugged, and they slid off his hips easily. He reached down and pulled them off the rest of the way, and I gasped when I felt him touch my leg, smooth, impossibly hard, hot.

A second later he was kneeling between my legs, snatching at the band of my underwear until that barrier was gone, too. I kicked them off my foot and he was kissing me again.

I knew what would happen next; I wasn't afraid, though I had always thought I would be. There was nothing to be scared of with Jacob.

I felt him between my legs, felt as he slid into me part of the way with no resistance. It was a tight fit, but it wasn't overly uncomfortable. He stopped, fixing his eyes on me intently, his face inches from mine.

"Bella," he whispered. "You know you're…the only one…and I've never…"

I understood. He was asking me if this were my first time, too. "Me either, Jake," I said, trying to keep my tone light. My voice was slightly breathless still, and rough. He relaxed visibly, then frowned.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"So it hurts a little. I want this. With you," I added, pulling his face close to kiss him again, gently this time. He smiled.

"I'm sorry," he breathed in my ear. Then he pushed forward.

There was a second there when I wondered why in the hell I had asked him to do this; it was agony as he pushed into me, stretching me unbearably. I couldn't breathe. He eased back out and then in again, still with the same feeling of torture, and I was momentarily horrified. Wasn't this supposed to get better?

He was being gentle, going slowly, and every time he pushed into me, the pain was the same. He was whispering words of encouragement into my hair, but I had no idea what he was saying.

Then, impossibly, he slid into me and the pain was a bit less. The next time was better. After a few more thrusts, the pain was only a dim shadow of what it had been in the beginning. It was beginning to feel…_good_.

I think he knew the second that pain changed to pleasure for me, because he brought his lips to mine again and kissed me thoroughly.

"I'm so sorry, Bells," he murmured against my lips.

"It's okay, Jacob, it's over now…I'm fine," I assured him, and he began to move again.

It was so much better than I could ever have imagined. Now that the horrifying part had passed, that is. But the pain was only a faint memory now as waves of pleasure overtook me. Jacob pushed into me over and over, slowly at first, then picking up his tempo.

His face was priceless. His eyes were screwed shut as if in concentration, and his lips were moving, but I couldn't understand the words he was murmuring; it was as if he were chanting a mantra to himself or something. That was as far as I got in that line of thinking, because he dropped his mouth to my neck at just that moment.

His pace increased, thrusting into me faster and faster; I was meeting his hips with mine, getting desperate now. I knew there was something I was pushing for, but I had no idea what it was. I just knew I had to get there.

Jacob could sense it, too. He growled and braced himself, hands on either side of my head. His rhythm became harder, now, and I nearly screamed with the force of it. I clutched at his arms, pulling myself up closer to him and then, just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore…

I shuddered, and every muscle in my body tensed, every nerve ending on fire. I screamed and dug my nails into his back, biting down on his shoulder to try and muffle my strangled cry.

He didn't stop; in fact, he was pounding into me harder and faster now, causing new waves of pleasure to pass through me, over and over again. His eyes bored into mine and sweat was dewing on his dark skin. I was almost certain I couldn't take another

moment of this amazing torture when suddenly…

His body jerked violently on top of me, his eyes closed tightly, one hand gripped in my hair, the other balled into a fist around the quilt of my bed. He groaned and choked out my name, bending to kiss me as his body shuddered to a stop.

We lay there for a moment, breathing too fast and trying to slow our heartbeats.

Then he brought his lips to mine again and kissed me sweetly, pulling away from me at the same time. The kiss made the loss of contact easier to bear. He rolled to his side and tugged the quilt from underneath us, then he draped it over me first, then partially over himself.

He pulled me into his arms and sighed. I was suddenly cold, so I snuggled closer to him, my personal furnace. He rubbed my arm contentedly.

I was almost asleep when I remembered something. I sat straight up, ignoring his words of protest as I pulled out of his embrace.

"Holy _crow_, Jacob! Charlie!"

"Huh?" Jacob's eyebrows pulled together, completely nonplussed. "What about Charlie?"

"Keep your voice down!" I hissed. What if Charlie had heard us? I would be so grounded for the rest of my life. Or would I? I wondered if Charlie would mind so much, as long as it was Jacob who was deflowering me in the other room.

Jacob surprised me completely by laughing. He put his hands behind his head and stretched comfortably.

"I'm pretty sure he would have heard us by now, Bells," he replied around a yawn. I frowned at him. "Besides," he added when he saw my face, "Charlie isn't home yet."

"How do you know?" Although I was quite sure I knew the answer already.

"I would have _heard him_, Bella. Wolf sense, remember?" He tapped his ear.

"Hmph," I replied. But I settled back down beside him anyway. I was getting cold again.

He wrapped his long arms around me, absently playing with my hair.

"Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"What were you saying to yourself before? I mean, while…" I trailed off, a blush rising to my cheeks. Somehow, even though I'd done it, I couldn't _talk _about it.

Jacob laughed again. "I was reciting the defensive line of the Green Bay Packers."

My mouth dropped open. What the _hell?_ "Um, why?"

"I was trying to distract myself. I wanted it to last long enough for you to _enjoy _it."

Suddenly it hit me. And I had to laugh. "You're something else, Jacob Black. Thank you, though."

"You, too, Bella."

I slept without nightmares that night.


	2. ashes

**::ashes::**

* * *

When I woke up, Jacob was gone.

It was difficult for me to believe that I hadn't simply dreamed it all; but then again, I didn't think my subconscious was capable of creating something so impossible, something so _pleasant_, after the long months of nightmares.

Still, my first reaction was to think that today was just another day, just another morning – until I sat up and realized I was wearing a large, oversized black t-shirt that most certainly did not belong to me.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and there was more proof – my muscles protested and I felt tender and slightly achy all over, as if I were recovering from the flu. I slowly stood to my feet and tested my balance. Still dubious, but pretty good.

As I grabbed my bathroom bag from my dresser, something caught my eye on the floor, pushed (or thrown) way back into the corner behind the door. I bent, gripping the dresser for support as my head swam a bit with the change in altitude, and picked it up.

My bra. One strap completely ripped free at the front, broken clasp hanging uselessly.

There could be no more denial, not with this most tangible and material proof held in my shaking hand. It had actually happened. My breathing was inching towards hyperventilation. I closed my eyes and held on to the dresser for dear life.

I didn't regret it. I didn't. I had wanted to see how far Jacob would take me. And it was _Jake_, after all, my best friend in the whole world –

Those words brought me up short. My best friend. I had just slept with my best friend. We weren't even _dating_. What did that make me? What kind of person _does_ that?

I fumbled blindly for the door and fled across the hall to the bathroom.

When the bathroom door was safely locked behind me, I turned to the mirror.

My hair was a tangled rat's nest piled on top of my head. My face was ashen, as if I had just received some terrible news. In a way, I had. My lips were pale, and my eyes were too bright.

I turned from my reflection in disgust, and turned the shower on angrily. I stripped the oversized shirt off and threw it into the corner. I knew I would have to return that – I couldn't let Charlie find it, obviously – but I didn't think of that now. I didn't spare my body a second glance as I stepped into the hot water.

The shower helped, but it didn't stop my mind racing, as I had hoped it would.

What was I going to do now? What did Jacob think of me? Why did he leave? Was he so disgusted with me that he couldn't bear to look at me when he woke up? Did this mean we couldn't be friends anymore? Could I handle that, if he wanted to just forget this whole thing had ever happened?

And of course I couldn't stop my mind completely from straying to thoughts of _him_.

I had expected my first time to be with _him_. I had hoped – but that was a different world from this one. I wouldn't allow myself to travel too far down that path. But I wondered, still, if someone (I refused to think her name, either, for fear that if I did all of my carefully constructed walls would crumble) would have foreseen this happening. Would he _know_?

I decided not to think about that. I didn't want to have an episode in the middle of Charlie's bathroom. With a shock, I realized that the gaping hole in my chest I'd been living with for so many months wasn't tearing me apart the way it should have been. It ached, but it was dulled. I decided not to think about that, either, and concentrated instead on pulling the million tangles out of my hair. I blow dried it and pulled it back into a long ponytail, then brushed my teeth and but everything back into my bag.

When I was done, I scooped up the black shirt and darted across the hall to my room. I threw on some jeans and shirt at random and grabbed a jacket.

One thing I had been able to decide this morning: I was going to La Push. I was going to find Jacob Black, we were going to talk about this like grown ups, and we were going to find a way to stay friends, whether he liked it or not.

I ran down the stairs and past the kitchen, headed down the hall to the front door, but something stopped me in my tracks. I crept back to the kitchen door and peered inside, unwilling to believe my eyes.

Charlie was there, which was unusual to begin with. But the thing that had brought me up short was that he wasn't alone.

"Morning, Bells," Charlie called when he saw me at the door. I picked my chin up off the floor and pasted a smile on my face. Charlie looked worn and very tired this morning - no doubt his grief for Harry would take a while to heal - but he was smiling widely as he gestured for me to sit in the empty chair at the table.

Jacob was sitting across from Charlie, looking very much at home and grinning at me, his eyes alight with humor.

I forced my wooden legs to carry me across the floor and I plunked down in the chair next to Jake.

"Um, good morning?"

"Jacob came over to see you, but you were still asleep, so we decided to have a bit of breakfast while we waited," Charlie explained. He gestured to the empty pan in the middle of the table; I could only assume it had once held fried eggs, and probably the whole dozen, if it fed both Charlie and Jacob, who seemed to have a bottomless pit for a stomach these days. Jacob was looking at me smugly.

Charlie seemed to realize that there wasn't any left for me and he looked sheepish. "Er, I could, you know, make some more if you wanted, Bells," he added, starting to stand.

"Never mind, Dad," I stopped him. "I'm not really all that hungry this morning. Actually, Jacob, I was just on my way to La Push to see _you_," I turned to Jacob and shot him a scathing look. He cringed slightly and then turned a bright smile to Charlie.

"You know what they say about great minds," he said with a shrug. Charlie laughed genially. He was really enjoying this too much. I wondered if he would still be laughing if he knew what had happened under his roof last night.

I glared at Jacob. "No one ever accused you of having a great mind," I grumbled, but it only made them laugh harder. Finally I stood up and roughly shoved my chair under the table. Jacob took the hint and stood up as well.

"See you later, Charlie," he said with a laugh and followed me into the hall. Abruptly, his smile disappeared and he looked unsure. Good. I was getting annoyed with all the laughing at my expense this morning. It was time to be serious.

I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly I didn't have any words. My anger evaporated when I saw the expression on his face – vulnerable and anxious. I was overwhelmed with that strange but familiar desire to protect him.

"Come on," Jacob said before I could gather my thoughts any more than that. "Let's go for a ride."

"What?" I asked, confused. My mind was still casting about, trying to decipher what exactly he meant by that, when he opened the front door and I saw the Rabbit parked by the curb. "Oh," I said stupidly. "You brought your car."

"Gotta keep up appearances, Bella," he said with a small smile as we walked to the car. "What would Charlie have said if I had just showed up on foot?" He opened the passenger side door for me, and I dropped into the seat.

I thought about that for a moment while I buckled my seat belt. "Okay," I replied slowly, trying to decide how to best change the subject so we could talk about what had happened the night before.

He beat me to it. "About last night," he began, busying himself with cranking the car and putting it into drive. I waited, but he didn't continue. Was I imagining things, or were his cheeks darkening slightly?

"You left," I said, without meaning to say it. I hadn't realized until I'd said it that _that_ was what had really been bothering me more than anything. I wasn't looking at him now; I studied my fingers as my hands wrung themselves together in my lap.

"I stayed until Charlie got home," he said quietly.

"Oh," was all I could say.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I didn't know if you wanted me to stay, and you weren't exactly conscious," he said in a low voice, trying to joke. I couldn't laugh. I was busy having a mental breakdown. This feeling of unease between us, was it permanent? Had we ruined our friendship, my one sanity, my one port in the storm? What had we done?

"Oh," I said again. I was annoyed with myself for not having more words, but I couldn't think straight. Suddenly, I felt the hole gaping in my chest again, and I wrapped my arms around myself tightly, trying to steady my breathing.

We were out of Forks by now, driving down a side road that I abruptly recognized as the road where we went to ride our motorcycles. Jacob stopped the car on the side of the road and put it in park.

"_Talk_ to me, please," he said in a pleading voice, not taking his hands off the steering wheel or his eyes off the muddy road in front of us.

"I – " I began, but stopped when my throat began to constrict. I was getting upset, even though I was trying so hard to keep myself together. I swallowed and tried again. "Do you – I mean – do you wish we hadn't…" I trailed off, unwilling to finish.

Jacob sighed and dropped his eyes to his lap. He hung his head, and my mouth was suddenly dry. He _did_, didn't he? Oh, God, he did regret it, and it was all my fault, I should have stopped him, I shouldn't have made him keep going, I was responsible for messing up our friendship and he blamed me, of course he did, it was my fault –

"No," he said, so softly I almost didn't hear him. Then, louder, shaking his head: "No."

"But you left," I said stubbornly. I couldn't bring myself to be relieved. After all, he was probably just sparing my feelings.

"I told you why," he said, finally turning his eyes on me. They were dark and confused. "It bothers you," he added, his brow furrowing as he tried to understand.

It was my turn to drop my eyes. I murmured something about abandonment issues.

I looked up in time to see his hands tighten on the steering wheel. His eyes were squeezed shut and the muscles in his arms were clenched and I belatedly realized he was angry. I held very still and watched him. After a moment, his muscles relaxed and he slumped back against his seat, dropping his hands from the wheel and into his lap. I wanted to comfort him.

I reached over to touch his hair, hesitated, and then ran my fingers through it. It was like black silk. He seemed to relax more under my touch. He brought his big, warm hand up to catch mine, and then he laced our fingers together.

Sighing, I gave his hand a squeeze, and he opened his eyes at last.

There was about half a second between the moment I realized our faces were much too close until the moment when it didn't matter anymore because he was kissing me.

Suddenly all thoughts evaporated from my mind. Jacob's hands were tracing my face, my neck, my shoulders, and I forgot why this might not be a good idea and buried my hands in his hair, pulling him to me.

Now he was kissing along my jaw, whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," every time his mouth was free. There was a new kind of ache in my chest as I realized he was apologizing for leaving me and I pulled his mouth back to mine to kiss him thoroughly.

He pulled me into his lap easily and déjà vu swept over me as I remembered the night before, sitting in his lap like this in my truck; the memory flooded me with heat. When Jacob broke our kiss I barely noticed – I was busy now trailing kisses down his neck.

I did notice when he took my shoulders in his big hands and pulled me away.

I made a noise of protest and looked at him, confused. Had he changed his mind? Or was he just trying to stop us from making another mistake? I frowned at him.

"Bella," he gasped, his breathing fast and uneven. He closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. When he opened them again, he was focused. "Bella." Another deep breath. "I need to know – do _you_ wish we hadn't? Do you regret it?" His dark eyes searched mine.

I shook my head without hesitation. "No," I whispered. It was the truth. He studied my face a moment longer and then he was kissing me again.

Jacob reached down next to the seat and fumbled with something, never breaking our kiss; and I gasped into his mouth when there was a click and the back of the seat fell suddenly. Jacob chuckled and pulled me closer.

There was no doubt now; the world was spinning and I wasn't going to let him stop me again. Somewhere in my mind I wondered if this weren't moving things a bit too fast, wanting _this_ again so soon. But that part of my mind wasn't very prominent at the moment; my body was firmly in control and I wasn't sure I could stop if I tried.

I ground my hips into him the way I had last night and Jacob moaned into my mouth; the sound of his voice, gravelly and rough, sent tingles down my spine. I did it again, and he gripped my hips to guide me. He was so impossibly hard that it took my breath away. I gasped and he broke away from my lips, and my eyes snapped open. Our faces were inches apart and his eyes were intense and dark as they bored into mine.

He kept moving me; but I was beginning to get frustrated – I wanted to touch his _skin_. I tugged at his shirt and he understood; he pulled it off over his head in one swift motion. I dragged my palms across his muscled chest. His skin burned my hands.

His fingers were in my hair, tugging the rubber band free so that my hair fell around my shoulders in waves, tumbling into our faces and over his shoulders as we kissed.

It was burning up in the car now, but the heat was exquisite. I pulled at my shirt, impatient now for skin to skin contact. Jacob seemed to understand. He helped me tug the shirt over my head, tossing it into the floorboard and then pulling me down to him again so our bodies were pressed together.

I moaned – it felt so _good_.

His hands were everywhere, burning me, fogging my mind. I was sure I was going to spontaneously combust at any moment. I sat up and dragged in a few breaths of air, laughing breathlessly.

Jake's hands were at the button of my jeans, and then he was pushing down the zipper. I stood up awkwardly and tried to wriggle out of my jeans, but I fell against his chest and we both laughed again.

"Maybe…the backseat?" he suggested, his voice husky and low. I giggled.

"_Now_ who sounds like a stupid old movie?" I joked, but started to climb past him into the backseat. My foot snagged on the gear shift and I tumbled into the back instead.

"Ow," I said, picking myself up out of the floorboard. Jake laughed and lifted me into the backseat, climbing back to join me with considerably more grace. I shimmied my jeans off and growled at him.

"Anything bruised?" he asked, his eyes dancing but still dark with what I realized was desire. Desire for _me_. I pulled him down on top of me and bucked my hips into his.

"Shut up," I said, and leaned up to kiss him. He kissed me hungrily and pulled me close, running a hand down my side and over my hip, then grabbing my leg and hitching it around his waist. I gasped when I realized that he had taken his jeans and boxers off without my realizing it. He chuckled and moved his attention to my neck, sucking and nipping.

He was trying to distract me, I could tell, but I tried to focus; I wanted to distract_ him_. I pulled his ear to my mouth and breathed into it. He froze. Encouraged, I did it again, and he shivered. I decided to be brave.

"I want you," I breathed, my voice not even a whisper, but his breath hitched and the next second he had ripped my bra and underwear off – vaguely I noticed the tearing sound the cloth made – and he was inside me.

I gasped as he filled me, stretching me again; this time it wasn't painful, but it still twinged a bit, and I grimaced slightly. Suddenly Jacob's hands were on my face, and he was dropping kisses on my forehead, my cheeks, the bridge of my nose.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm sorry," he whispered, eyes screwed shut, a look of misery on his face. It hurt my heart to see him hurting.

I took his face between my hands and made him look at me. "I'm fine, Jake, I promise, it's okay now," I said, trying to reassure him.

He didn't look reassured. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Are you crazy?"

He laughed, the sound of it rumbling in his chest. "I'll go slow."

"Just kiss me," I ordered. And he did.

He started moving again, agonizingly slowly. I couldn't take it. It felt so amazing, but I wanted more. I started thrusting my hips up to meet him, urging him to go faster, trying to get him to stop being careful – I'd had enough careful to last me a lifetime.

I kissed up his neck, along his jaw, working my way back to his ear again. I wanted to see what would happen if I could just get him to lose control the way he had before. I traced the lobe of his ear with my tongue and felt him freeze for a moment, and then I got my wish.

He growled my name and then he was pounding into me, hard and fast, over and over, rough and out of control, sometimes knocking the top of my head into the armrest of the backseat, now pushing an arm around behind my shoulders to hold me up so he could kiss me with a fiery passion that was out of control and completely the most wonderful and intense experience of my life.

I could feel the pressure building inside me, the heat was growing, I was being set on fire, I was burning, he was burning, we were going to be consumed by it, it was going to burn us alive until we were nothing but ashes, smoldering in a heap.

Jacob snaked his other arm under one of my knees and lifted my leg up so he could meet me more fully, and I screamed with the force of his thrusting, but it was _good_ and I never wanted him to stop.

And still the pressure was building; I knew what was going to happen next. Every nerve ending was blazing, I squeezed my eyes shut and white light exploded behind my eyelids, my entire body was shaking and I was clutching Jacob's arm as I screamed his name.

He started moving even faster, pushing into me over and over and I was about to completely combust now; but I knew he was close to the edge and I wanted to push him over. I reached up and pulled his face to mine and kissed him, sweeping my tongue into his mouth and feeling his hot breath saturating me, filling me.

And then his body jerked above me and he wrenched his mouth free and cried out, sweat dripping off his forehead as he shuddered violently and I held on tightly to him with everything I had.

He collapsed on top of me and I couldn't catch my breath. The air was completely gone in the car, it seemed we had used it all up in our quest for heat and fire. He seemed to be struggling to breathe as well. I laughed into his hair as his head rested on my chest.

He sighed and pressed his ear to my heart. It was still beating wildly and out of control, but it had begun to slow a bit.

"Can't…breathe…" I joked, laughing breathlessly. Jacob lifted his head and kissed me, pulling away from me and chuckling. He fumbled for his boxers and jeans and then leaned forward into the front seat to roll the windows down a bit. I noticed with some surprise that they were completely fogged over.

I fished my bra and underwear out of the floorboard and examined them hopelessly. Ruined. I tossed them aside and found my jeans, pulling them on quickly.

"Oh, right, sorry about those," Jake said from the drivers seat. He fixed the seat back and tossed me my shirt. I pulled it over my head.

"You owe me ten bucks," I grumbled as he helped me climb into the front seat with him.

"Small price," he grinned at me, and I couldn't help but return the gesture.

"So, um," I stammered once I was sitting in the passenger seat, unsure of how to begin. I wanted to know where this left us, what this meant. He seemed to know what I was going to say.

"Maybe we should talk about it tomorrow," he said, and when I met his eyes, I could tell that he understood that I didn't know how to feel and that he was going to give me time to figure it out. He pulled me into his arms for a tight hug. "You are _definitely_ going to be the death of me one of these days," he mumbled into my hair.

I laughed, then sighed, listening to the strong beat of his heart.

"I can't think of a better way to go, though," he added with a laugh. I could hear it rumbling in his chest and I had to laugh, too.

I couldn't think of one, either.


	3. burned

**::burned::**

* * *

Jacob left me mid-morning to go run his shift, bringing me crashing back to earth and the reminder that I was in danger, being stalked, and needed to be protected. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

I walked along the beach, the monotony of the scenery and the ever-present blanket of clouds seeming to press in around me, suffocating me. I pulled my jacket closer around me as the wind picked up and fervently wished Jacob were here to warm me up.

That thought brought me up short. I giggled softly and felt the blood rush to my cheeks, remembering the way his skin – fevered, scorching hot – felt against mine, the way our bodies moved together, the lack of oxygen in the air because the fire between us had burned it all up –

And I shook my head quickly, coming back to the present and feeling plenty warm now.

The thought occurred to me suddenly that I was having impure thoughts about someone who was not only my best friend, but also a minor. For a moment I didn't know how to feel about this revelation. I was two years older than he was; he was on one side of eighteen while I was on the other. And although I was relatively certain that Jake would never call statutory rape on me, it was a sobering thought and I was abruptly cold again.

I looked out over the water; the waves were choppy and ominous-looking, the wind moaned, churning the water angrily, wild and out of control. Mesmerized by the violence and sheer beauty of it, I couldn't tear my eyes away. I watched as, far out on the inky water, a cloud let go of its burden and a sheet of icy rain moved across the angry waves. I shivered.

"Cold?" a familiar, husky voice asked from just over my left shoulder.

I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Jacob!" I gasped, my hand flying to cover my now-racing heart. "You scared me half to death!"

He chuckled. "I'll have to be sure not to do that again, then. I would hate to see what would happen if I scared you half to death _twice_."

I faked an angry expression and punched him on the shoulder. "You really should make more noise when you walk," I grumbled.

Jake shrugged and threw an arm around my shoulders. I couldn't help but sigh and settle closer to his heated bare skin.

"Better?" he asked. I nodded into his chest and wrapped my arms around his middle, absorbing his heat like oxygen. I marveled again at how warm he always was, how even though I was freezing, he never seemed to need clothes anymore –

I pulled away suddenly and straightened up, blood flooding my cheeks as my thoughts strayed back to the impure side without my permission. I pasted a too-bright smile on my face and grabbed his hand when I saw that his face had fallen slightly at the loss of contact.

"So what are we going to do today?" I asked cheerfully.

Jake shrugged his massive shoulders and grinned. "Whatever you want."

We ended up walking down to the small general store on the reservation. Jacob bought us sodas and I sprang for two chocolate bars and a bag of cheese-flavored chips. Jake tore into his chocolate bar and I watched him, amused, as he inhaled it in three bites. He started in on the chips next – they were gone before we reached the makeshift garage – and he eyed my chocolate bar hopefully. I laughed and tossed it to him as we walked inside.

"Bottomless pit," I mumbled. Jake shrugged and opened the passenger door of the Rabbit, gesturing with his free hand for me to have a seat.

I glanced inside the car nervously. Memories flooded my mind and color flooded my cheeks as I tried not to think of what had happened just that morning in that car. I chuckled nervously and tried not to be obvious as I opted instead to sit on the floor.

Jacob rolled his eyes and settled himself in the passenger seat, long legs sprawled out the door, looking perfectly at his ease.

I wondered how he could sit there – so calm, so comfortable – even though we still had no idea where we stood or what the times we had been together even _meant_. Personally, I was confused and conflicted and starting to get a bit annoyed that he obviously _wasn't_.

"Bells, honey, you gotta lighten up," he said with a laugh. I looked up to meet his eyes. "You worry too much. Sit back," he leaned back in the seat, kicking a foot up and through the rolled-down window of the open door, "relax – " here he placed his hands behind his head, "and enjoy the ride."

I controlled my thoughts yet again and scolded myself inwardly for being a hormone-riddled teenager who couldn't go two minutes without relating any little thing someone said to _sex_.

I sighed. The sun was beginning to set outside. Abruptly I remembered that I'd need to be getting home soon. Charlie…

Again, Jake seemed to know what I was thinking.

"Dad invited Charlie down for dinner tonight."

"Oh," I replied lamely, picking at my shoelace. I didn't like this awkwardness I was suddenly feeling whenever I was around Jacob, made a million times worse because I knew he had deeper feelings for me than I was able to have for him.

Then my hands were in Jake's and he was kneeling in front of me, ducking his head to look in my eyes. He smiled.

"Bella, I'm still me," he said softly. "Still just Jacob. No matter what has happened, or will happen, or whatever. I'll be whatever you want me to be."

I nodded. I wanted to answer, wanted to tell him something, anything, but I didn't know what to say because I didn't _know_ what I wanted him to be. I wanted things to be simple, but they had never been exactly simple or clear between us – with Jacob, the lines had always been blurred, even from the start.

Jacob gently kissed my forehead, then he tugged me to my feet. He let go of one of my hands and led me outside and into the dusk. We walked in silence up to the little red house; I was still lost in my thoughts, trying to decide what it was I _did_ want Jacob to be.

I thought about what he _was_.

He was my best friend. Nothing in the world was going to change that.

He was my comfort, my warmth. The sun.

These things he had always been. But what was he _now_?

The toe of my tennis shoe snagged a root and I tumbled into his arms, cutting off all thought abruptly. He held my upper arms and steadied me, ducking his head down to ask if I was all right, half a grin on his face.

Looking into his dark eyes, I decided that now wasn't the time to debate over what I wanted Jacob to be. It didn't change what he _was_. In the end, he was my Jacob.

Always.

My arms were around his neck, pulling his face down to mine; his eyes went wide with surprise as I stood on tiptoe to better reach him and then he was kissing me and nothing mattered anymore.

I wasn't used to kissing Jacob yet. His lips, hot, soft, yielding, crushing into mine, made my head spin. His kiss was strong, like alcohol bubbling in my veins, muddying my brain and causing my legs to forget they were supposed to be supporting me.

I felt my knees buckle beneath me and Jacob's arms tighten around my waist at the same moment, and then he growled and pushed me up against the back wall of the house. The wall helped support me and I concentrated on nothing but the feel of his big hands, running up and down my sides and barely grazing the swell of my breasts under my shirt.

My hands slid over his shoulders and gripped the incredible mass of his bicep, feeling the muscle tense under the skin, hard as stone.

He was driving me completely insane, barely touching me, giving me a little of what I wanted, then moving his hands away and down my sides again. I arched my back into his hands and silently willed him to touch me, burn me, consume me.

He slid his hands under my shirt, scorching my skin, slowly dragging his hands over my stomach and back, bending so he could kiss and nip at my neck. I dropped my head back against the wall and let my eyes close, trying to remember how to breathe.

Then at last his hands settled over the material of my bra, and I stopped breathing altogether. He looked into my eyes for a moment and then he covered my mouth with his, slowly moving his mouth and hands in the same rhythm. I pressed into his hands and dragged my fingernails down his chest without even realizing I was doing it.

He hissed into my mouth and pulled the fabric of my bra down, and then the heat of his skin on mine drove every thought from my mind as his mouth opened with mine and he slid his tongue over my lips.

I snaked my arms around his waist and pulled him closer so our bodies were flush. Jake snatched my shirt up from where it had been tangled between us and his bare skin was suddenly touching mine, my shirt hiked above my breasts and bunched at my throat.

He swept his tongue into my mouth and slid a hand down my back, across the bare skin above the band of my jeans, and then dipped his hand between my jeans and my underwear to grab me and pull me closer. I tried to concentrate on moving my tongue with his and remembering to breathe at the same time.

Then he was kissing down my neck, finding a particularly sensitive spot and sucking it, kissing it, and the next thing I knew he was pulling my jeans down over my hips without me having knowledge of him even undoing the buttons.

My eyes went wide for a moment, not having thought we were going to go this far in his _backyard_ of all places, and Jake chuckled into my shoulder and whispered, "They can't see us from the front yard."

I realized he was right; there was a large, overgrown flower bush right beside us, not to mention the tree with the low branches blocking the view from the front of the house.

And then he lifted me off the ground, hitching my legs around him and bracing me against the wall again. I could feel him, hard and straining against the fabric of his cut-off sweats; I gasped into his mouth.

The heat was intoxicating. The slightest friction and waves of heat radiated through me; Jake's lips on mine, his tongue, his hot breath in my mouth, my legs wrapped around his waist, one of his hands holding me up, the other tracing my body, calluses scraping my skin deliciously.

He reached between us and pushed the fabric of his shorts down and the thin scrap of my underwear to the side. He broke our kiss and rested his forehead on mine. He looked into my eyes as he filled me; I moaned and let my head fall back, the incredible sensation of being stretched impossibly and the _heat_…

Jake was kissing me again, along my jaw and up to my ear. He began to move, bracing me against the wall, and pulling out of me slowly, the insane wet heat making my head spin. He eased back in, and I dropped my head and stifled a moan into his shoulder, biting down and trying very hard not to scream into the night. I almost didn't care if anyone heard me.

He placed a heavy hand on either one of my hips, holding me steady and supporting me as he slid in and out, taking the lobe of my ear into his mouth, breathing his hot breath into my ear, making me all but convulse in his arms.

I knew what I was after now, and I knew that I was getting close. I ground my hips into his, taking him deeper and feeling the extraordinary stretching feeling – almost too much – filling me, completing me.

He kissed the soft spot under my ear, slowly, slowly making his way down my neck, stopping to nip again at the spot he had found earlier, moving me slowly up and down, agonizingly wonderfully amazingly slowly, taking his time, making me want to explode and die and scream and never ever let him go.

He ran a hand through my hair, pushing it back off my forehead, staring intently into my eyes, pulling my mouth to his again and I was lost.

The entire universe exploded behind my closed eyelids, my body clenched around him and I shuddered into his kiss, still rocking with him and pulling at him with everything I had. He didn't stop, and I could tell from the tensing of his arms around me and the intensity of his kiss that he was coming with me; we were going to combust, all they were going to find was a charred place on the side of the house where we had burst into flames, slowly consumed by our own fire.

My mind began to work again, gradually at first and then in a rush. I chuckled into Jacob's neck and wondered aloud how I was going to get down.

He laughed too and slowly lifted me off him and to my feet, one hand on either side of me to steady me. My legs were like jelly, but I discovered they could support me and I quickly began to right myself.

Jake smoothed his hands over my hair and helped me tug my shirt back into place. I ducked down to scoop up my discarded blue jeans, wondering how I had managed to kick my shoes off without realizing it, and Jake was laughing again.

"Being a half-naked werewolf does have its advantages," he teased as I tugged my jeans back on with a scowl. All he had had to do was straighten his shorts.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

He scooped me up and sat me on a low-hanging tree branch. I squealed and tried to steady myself as he snatched my shoes up off the ground and turned back around to face me.

"You act like I'm going to let you fall or something," he complained in annoyed disbelief.

"I never know with you," I replied as he took one of my feet in his too-big hands. I hadn't realized I was starting to get cold until I felt his heated palms on my foot. He smiled, looking up at me.

He pushed my shoe onto my foot easily, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"The glass slipper fits, milady!" he said in a bad British accent. I kicked him in the chest, laughing.

"Off with his head!" I retorted.

"Wow," he said, pulling the other shoe on and tying the laces too tight. "Your English accent is even worse than mine."

"Grr."

My fake growl caused him to laugh even harder. Then he was suddenly serious as he put both hands on my waist and slowly lifted me down from the branch, eyes intent upon mine. My breath caught in my chest.

"Bella…"

He bent his head down and wrapped his arms around my waist again. My heart thudded, out of control, in my chest, and I began to panic. I wasn't ready for this part yet. Not yet.

I wasn't ready to hear him tell me how he felt about me; I wasn't ready to tell him that I had no clue how I felt about him. I wasn't ready for his rejection if I couldn't make my decision yet.

"They'll be wondering where we are," he said. I blinked. I certainly hadn't been expecting that.

He hugged me tight.

"Come on, let's go," he whispered into my hair. I nodded, and he took my hand and led me around to the front of the house.

* * *

**A/N: I decided to group these together because, well, they belong together, and there is a definite opportunity for me to continue with these. But for now, they are just a series of plot-less lemony oneshots, so don't ask me to update. I probably will end up writing more scenes, though, so no worries. Especially if I get lots and lots of yummy reviews! So go! Hit the magical button labeled "Review" and let me know what you think!**


	4. pledge of allegiance

**A/N : Strong language exists in this chapter. But it's Jacob, who is a teenage boy, and when he says what he says, he's kind of justifiably angry. Oh, and later when he can't be held responsible for his thoughts. So we forgive him because we're nice like that. Also because he's hot and stuff. Hehehe. **

**Please bear with me, my darlings, as this was my first crack at writing Jacob...let me know how I did pretty please! With virtual cherries on top!**

* * *

**::in which I abuse the pledge of allegiance multiple times::**

I tried to control my thoughts before I phased to run my shift.

Thoughts of Bella, flushed and moaning, beneath me, clutching at me, choking my name…those were private thoughts. Thoughts I was unwilling to share with the pack.

I made that mistake the last time, riding so high on the wave of her touch and kiss, I'd forgotten that the others would be able to see what I had seen if I let my thoughts go that way.

I would probably never hear the end of that.

But.

Tonight, I stood behind my house in the shadows, trying with no success to think of something besides _her_. Of course it didn't help that her scent was everywhere.

I showered before I even thought about going for duty tonight. Her smell was all over me, clinging to my skin, clouding my head, making me drunk, making me want…

Well, you can understand why I wanted that shower.

I walked further into the woods, hoping the ferns and moss and earth would mask her scent. It helped. I started reciting the Pledge of Allegiance over and over in my head and pulled my cut-off shorts off, fastening them to the cord around my ankle.

Unfortunately, pulling those shorts off reminded me of Bella, tugging my jeans down so she could kick them off with her foot, and I had to start all over with the mind-clearing thing.

_I pledge allegiance, to the flag…_

I broke into a run, concentrating on the feel of the ground beneath my feet, the wind in my hair – and now the ground beneath my _paws_, the wind in my _fur_ as I phased mid-stride and others' thoughts tumbled into my head in a rush.

_Oh, God, Jake's back, everybody, brace yourselves._ Embry.

I concentrated harder. _Of the United States of America… _

_Come on, man, don't be that way, give us some details!_ Quil complained. _I wanna know how vampy chick looks under the moonlight and how she sounds when she's screaming – _

Fury rolled through me and I growled deep in my chest, picking up my pace now so I could cover the distance between us and rip Quil to shreds. _And to the republic for which it stands…_

_Better run, Quil, he sounds pissed,_ Embry thought smugly.

_Aw, come on, Jake, tell me…did you make her scream?_

That did it. Now I was running as fast as I could; I could hear Quil running not half a mile ahead of me. It would be nothing to catch him, to tear that self-satisfied look off his face with my teeth. I knew he would be smirking, thinking he would be able to outrun me.

Ha.

Fat. Chance.

_Shut up! _I screamed in my head. _You'd better fucking hope I don't catch you, because when I'm finished with you, your own mother won't be able to recognize you._

_Jake, Jake man, I'm only kidding! Geez, like you wouldn't be riding me about it if it was me and not you. And I mean that in a completely non-homo sort of way._

I heard Embry's snort of laughter in my head and in the bushes to my left. I could hear the pads of his feet racing along beside Quil.

_Seriously, man, calm yourself. I have nothing but respect for your little love nugget, okay? I was just messin' with you._

There was a pause while I considered only breaking his femur bones so he couldn't walk for a couple of days.

_…But you can't tell me you didn't want to hit that when you first saw her, Embry, am I right? I mean, I always knew she'd be a good piece of –_

I cut him off with my teeth to his back leg, with no memory of catching up to him; I ripped his feet out from under him and sent him head over heels into a nearby tree. He yelped in pain and Embry whimpered, stopping short and appearing under the moonlight not ten feet away. He pawed at the ground nervously.

_Don't kill him, Jake; yes he's an ass, but…you know, just break a few bones or something. We really can't afford to be one short right now, not with that female bloodsucker on the prowl._

I stood over Quil, who was hunched under the tree he had collided with, trying to right himself but nursing his back left leg, which looked like it was broken.

My anger faded slightly at the mention of the redheaded leech. No. Not faded, just redirected.

Embry was right.

_Get up, you ignorant asshole, _I growled at Quil. _I fucking hope your leg hurts like hell. _

Quil struggled to his feet. He bared his teeth at me.

Embry interrupted. _Yes, yes, you both hate each other. Now go home, Quil, before you think something else idiotic and Jake breaks your other leg. You guys can kiss and make up and be best buds and Mary Sunshine and all of that tomorrow. There's work to be done tonight._

_You don't tell me what to do_, Quil barked, but started limping away anyway.

Embry looked at me expectantly and I took off at a run in the opposite direction. I could hear him behind me a second later.

We ran in silence for a while, and other than random curses coming from Quil, the quiet was nice; just the brush of the trees and undergrowth and wind in my ears. My anger faded and the feeling of exhilaration returned; once again I felt the need to control my thoughts.

_One nation, under God, indivisible…_

Quil's thoughts disappeared and I knew he had phased back. I started to feel a little guilty about breaking his leg.

_Don't worry about him, he'll heal up in a few days, you know that._

_You don't think I overreacted? _I wrinkled my nose.

_Of course I think you overreacted. But anyone would have. He was being an ass._

There was a pause as the silence passed with only our paws hitting the ground steadily and the sounds of the night to break it.

_Embry?_

_Yeah?_

_Do you think…Bella…well…_

_You want to know if I think it means more to you than it does to her. _He wasn't asking a question. _If it's just sex to her._

Suddenly his thoughts were filled with the memories of Bella and I together for the first time, the ones I had accidentally let slip to the pack before.

My vicious growl bit into the quiet of the night.

_Sorry! Sorry! I was just trying to get some perspective, _he apologized quickly, cutting off the memories as quickly as they had come.

I snarled.

_The truth is, Jake…I have no idea. You know her better than any of us do. What does all of it mean to _you_, anyway? _he asked, curiosity flavoring the tenor of his thoughts.

_You've all been gossiping about me behind my back, haven't you?_

I could feel his mental shrug. I pumped my legs harder underneath me as I dealt with that knowledge.

_Bunch of old women… _I thought sullenly.

_You're not going to answer, are you?_

_Ugh. Everyone in the entire universe – both the natural one and the supernatural one – knows how I feel about Bella._

_And if she doesn't feel the same? _Embry asked. I sighed inwardly.

_I had no idea when I phased tonight that I'd be getting my head examined_, I growled.

By this time we had run the entire perimeter and had made it back around to where we started.

_I don't really care_, I decided, halfway surprised with my own thoughts. _I told her I'll be whatever she wants me to be, and I meant it. Whatever happens, happens. It may make me the biggest idiot in the history of everything, but…I love her. And I'll take whatever I can get of her, even if that means I can only sit and look at her, or hear her talk, never touching her again._

_Wow_, Embry thought. _That _is _stupid_.

I barked a laugh. _I know._

We ran in silence after that, listening to the sounds of the forest and enjoying the speed and the freedom of the night.

When I got home, I phased outside the house and stumbled to my bed, not even bothering to pull my shorts back on. I sent up a silent prayer of thanks to the Powers That Be that Bella had never been in my bed, because if she had, I knew I'd never get any sleep.

But even that thought was counterproductive because now I was imagining _Bella in my bed_.

"You've gotta be kidding me," I mumbled into my pillow. I inhaled the smell of laundry detergent and tried saying the Pledge again. No dice. Looked like a cold shower, then.

After the shower, somehow, I was even more exhausted than I had been before. I didn't even finish drying off before collapsing across my bed.

When I woke up, the sun was shining through the window; it looked like mid-afternoon. I stretched my arms over my head and yawned.

The muffled sound of the phone ringing drifted down the hall. I waited for Dad to answer, but he didn't, and I started to feel a little annoyed as it continued to ring and ring and, _ugh I suppose _I'll _have to get it _ran through my head as I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tugged on a pair of cut off sweatpants.

"All right, all right," I called to no one in particular.

I fished the phone off the receiver. "Hello?" My voice was still slightly groggy with sleep.

"Jake? Did I wake you up?" _Bella_. _My Bella._

"No, no, not really," I said quickly. Couldn't have her feeling bad, besides, she hadn't woken me up, not really. "I actually woke up right before you called."

"_Sure _you did. And wow, I mean, how do you possibly sleep that late?" Bella laughed.

"Up all night howling at the moon."

There was a beat where Bella processed that. "Did you find anything new?" she asked quietly.

"No, nothing, I promise," I reassured her. I cast around for a change of subject. "What are you doing this afternoon?"

"I was actually calling to ask you the same thing," she chuckled.

"Wanna come over?" I gotta admit that part of my reasoning for asking her over was because I couldn't get the image of her in my bed out of my mind. Good night sleep be damned. I _wanted _that.

"Be there in fifteen," she replied, sounding happy. A grin stretched across my face. Bella sounding happy to come see me? Was there anything better than that?

True to her word, I heard Bella's truck out in front of my house fifteen minutes later. I think the smile had been permanently etched into my face because when I went out to meet her, I was still grinning.

Her smile matched mine, lighting up her whole face as she bounded out of the truck and into my arms. Surprised, I caught her and spun her around, and she laughed happily.

When I set her down, she ran a hand through her hair and chuckled breathlessly. "Wanna ride motorcycles?"

It looked like Bella-in-my-bed wasn't happening today. But that was all right. I grinned.

"Sure, let's go."

Inside the garage, I moved to get the red motorcycle first, the one that belonged to her.

"Wait," she said suddenly. I froze, then turned to face her.

She was wearing the strangest expression on her face. All the color had drained out of her cheeks, and she looked like she might fall over.

"Bells, honey? You look like you've seen a ghost. You okay?"

She shook her head a bit and smiled too brightly. "No. I mean, yes, I'm okay. Sorry, I kind of spaced out there for a second. Do you think we could just take your motorcycle? You know you're a much better driver than me, anyway."

I nodded slowly, then turned back to reach for the handlebars of my bike. As I pushed it out of the garage, Bella was chattering about the weather being so nice. Odd.

I swung my leg over the bike and settled myself, then looked up at Bella expectantly. She was grinning for real now as she put her hands on my shoulders and climbed up behind me. When she wrapped her arms around my waist, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I needed to get myself under control. Really.

I kicked it into gear and we were off.

There was just something about the speed, the wind rushing through my hair, the roar of the engine beneath us and sun bravely beating down on us as we rushed over the black top, not to mention Bella behind me, holding tight around my waist and laughing joyfully in my ear. It was incredible.

The freedom of going at break-neck speeds around sharp turns, going too fast over the crests of hills and losing our stomachs, winding down little-used roads where the treetops nearly met overhead and the sunlight filtered down through the leaves – just a couple of crazy teenagers, breaking all the rules.

I stopped us at the very top of the cliffs where the pack always had our bonfires. I cut the engine and put the kickstand down.

Bella was laughing and tugging her hands through her hair, trying to pull the tangles out.

I twisted in the seat to look at her sideways. The sun had come back out from behind the clouds again, shining in her hair, on her skin, reflecting in her smile as she laughed. She was so beautiful.

She caught me looking at her and let out a short little nervous chuckle. "Jake…"

"Your hair is a mess," I said seriously. Her mouth dropped open, then she glared at me and punched me on the shoulder.

"Jerk!"

I shrugged, laughing. She climbed off the back of the motorcycle and started walking to the edge of the cliff; I followed her, still chuckling.

"Tell me you're not thinking of trying _that _again," I teased her.

"What if I am?"

I was standing next to her now, inches from the edge. I reached out, lighting fast, and pushed her, catching her in the same movement. She screamed.

"Jacob Black, you idiot! What the hell?!"

I was laughing too hard to answer, almost bent double, holding my stomach. She actually caught me by surprise when she pushed me backwards, towards the trees. I didn't really lose my balance – come on, give me some credit – but I pretended to and pulled her backwards with me. We tumbled into the grass and dirt; she landed on top of me, our faces less than two inches apart.

"Jacob…" she said, and she dropped her lips to mine.

There is almost nothing better than kissing Bella. I could do it all day long, every day of my life, and never get tired of her soft lips moving with mine, her tongue tracing my lips, her breath in my mouth.

I concentrated on trying not to just roll her over beneath me and take her right there on the grass at the top of the cliff.

Bella hitched her left leg over my lap so now she was straddling me. Sweet God. I stopped breathing for a second.

My hands were in the tangled mess of her hair, now tracing her face, now running down her back and grazing the sweet patch of bare skin where her shirt didn't quite meet her pants as she bent over me.

She ground her hips into me and I freaking lost my mind for a minute. I broke away and groaned, slamming my head backward; I hit the ground pretty hard but I didn't even notice. I opened my eyes and she was smiling a devilish little smile and I shook my head, laughing under my breath.

"Trying to kill me?"

She didn't answer. She was starting to get that look on her face again – the one that said she wasn't sure about this whole best-friends-with-benefits thing that had been going on lately.

I took a split-second to think about that. She enjoyed being with me – in her bed, in my car, pressed up against the side of my house – she didn't regret it. She said so herself.

She wanted me. She was just overthinking it.

All I had to do was get her to stop thinking.

I rolled to my right side, pulling Bella with me so we were facing each other on the grass. She didn't move her top leg from its place hitched around my side, and I took that as a good sign as I pulled her close, inhaling her sweet scent and bringing her lips to mine.

I kissed her slowly, memorizing the curve of her lip, the taste of the thin layer of cherry chapstick, her breath coming faster and shallower, her hands moving to grip my hair.

I had no idea if her mind was as fogged-over as mine was, but she was kissing me back, and that was always a good thing. She was running her hands over my bare chest now; I was trying to remember how to breathe. I traced a hand down her side and pulled her leg tighter around me and she moaned into my mouth.

Fuck.

My body was positively aching for her; my hands were moving of their own will, drifting up under the back of her shirt, feeling her cool skin against my palms.

She squirmed around until she was on top of me again, straddling me, the friction between us delicious and aching, aching…

Eyes closed, she gripped the hem of her t-shirt with both hands and tugged it over her head in one smooth motion. My hands itched to touch her breasts, perfect and round and soft and straining against the thin fabric of her bra.

"Touch me…" she whispered, eyes still closed.

She didn't have to say it twice. My hands reached up automatically, and holy hell she felt so good. She reached up behind her back and a second later I was tossing her bra over my shoulder and marveling again that she was here, straddling _me_, letting me touch her bare skin, _enjoying _my hands on her, moving her hips in sweet circles and making these little sexy noises in the back of her throat.

Then her lips were crashing down on mine and I buried a hand in her hair, holding her, running my free hand over the smooth plane of her now completely bare back. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, sliding over my tongue, tracing my lips, and when my tongue reached out to meet hers, she slowly took it in her mouth, sucking slightly.

Ho-ly. Fuck.

Whatever had inspired that, I knew I had to have her, _now_.

Bella giggled into my neck as I gasped for air and focused very hard on not losing control and embarrassing myself completely before things even got started.

The next thing I knew, her hands were at the button of her jeans and she was standing up to shimmy out of them. I watched her, mesmerized, before I realized that maybe I should pull my shorts off, too. She stopped me, her cool hands on mine, and shook her head.

She wanted to do it. Oh, God. I was going to die. Right here. Or possibly self-combust. One or the other.

She lifted the waistband, and carefully pulled it down over me; I lifted my hips and she tugged them the rest of the way off. It was the most erotic thing I could have ever imagined, her taking my clothes off that way, and _staring _at me with this reverent look on her face, something like awe.

I was going to die. That much was certain. But it was going to be so, _so _worth it.

I steadied my breathing and realized that she was straddling me again, positioning herself over me, and I resorted again to saying the Pledge of Allegiance over and over in my head to keep from losing it.

_I pledge allegiance to the flag…_

She braced her hands on my shoulders and looked up into my eyes –

_Of the United States of America…_

– and took all of me inside her in one quick stroke.

Shit. Fuck. I had to slow her down or I was going to come. I wanted to make sure she enjoyed it first. I had to.

I put my hands on either side of her hips and held her there for a second.

_And to the Republic for which it stands…_

Okay. Slowly, then. I started guiding her, helping her move, sliding up and down, until she fell into a steady rhythm she seemed to like. And fuck yes, I liked it too.

Her head fell back, eyes closed, moving, grinding into me, the porcelain skin of her thighs moving, sliding over the muscles underneath. Her stomach, her arms, her breasts inches from my face, her scent washing over me, the panting, grunting sounds coming from her mouth, her heat surrounding me and scorching me…

_One nation…under…._

"God," I choked, grabbing the back of her neck and pulling her amazingly soft lips to meet mine again – I _had _to kiss her.

She kissed me back hungrily, picking up the pace, and now I was thrusting my hips up to meet her again and again, driving with her toward the edge of sanity, feeling all my muscles tighten and praying she would find her release before I did because I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer. Not with her moaning into my ear and digging her fingernails into the dirt on either side of my head, slamming down onto me harder and harder and all I could think about now was trying to hold on just a little longer so she could –

Her heat was insane, scorching and wet and burning me alive, suddenly she was even tighter around me somehow, and_ fuck yes Bells honey come for me now_, she cried out and bit into my shoulder and yes – her whole body shuddered and she was so tight and wet and scalding hot and –

My body seized up and a strangled groan escaped my open mouth, my eyes squeezed shut and I held on to her as tightly as I could and the entire planet could have imploded and I wouldn't have noticed. Or given a damn.

Bella was dropping these little gentle kisses on my forehead and nose when I finally came back to Earth.

"So admit it," I said, dragging in lungfulls of air and feeling extremely high on life.

That cute little crease between Bella's eyebrows made me laugh. "Admit what?"

"You _are _trying to kill me," I replied, resting my hands behind my head lazily.

Bella stuck her tongue out at me, lifting herself off of me carefully, both of us wincing at the loss of contact.

"Just do me a favor, okay?" I added, tossing her t-shirt to her as I pulled on my shorts.

"Hmm. What?" she asked absently, fastening the clasp of her bra and pulling the straps up before tugging her shirt over her now-even-messier hair. I grinned at her.

"Keep trying."

* * *

**A/N 2 : Pls to tell me moar in your reviews than, "wow, hot"…even though I loves those reviews, too, come on guys, you can do better than that! Tell me what your favorite line was, your favorite part, etc. How am I doing with the non-smutty parts? Believable? Or should I just stick to teh sexx? I want to hear from YOU! **

**p.s. Reviews make me want to write more! They are food for my creative muse! My muse is crying out to you, "feed meh pls! I iz hungreh! I want to inspire Jessica to write more Jake/Bells sex scenes! Don't you want that? DON'T YOU???? You don't want me to DIE, do you? Oh, I get it, you don't care about meh…UNGRATEFUL little – "**

**::ahem:: My muse has a bit of a temper. You'll have to excuse it. **

**DISCLAIMER: The views of the writer's muse do not in anyway reflect the views of the writer herself and she humbly asks the reader to please disregard the somewhat harsh words of the muse and please to not let that influence your decision to leave lovely, juicy reviews for this chapter. kthnxbai.**


	5. interlude: blocked

**::Interlude: Edward::**

"She's happy, Edward. I've seen it."

There was a part of me, as I sifted through the visions Alice was showing me in her mind, that was relieved to see – _her_ – smiling, moving carelessly through mindless chores at her home, speaking again to her friends in school.

Another, wilder, more primal piece of me screamed in agony as my soul – if one existed at all within me – was ripped in two.

This was what I had intended, after all. For her to move on with a normal, monster-free existence, and choose _life_ instead of eternal death.

Then why was I suddenly looking for holes in the truth, imperfections in the tapestry, warped notes in the melody?

I wanted to know – did she miss me at all?

It was why I had come to see Alice today, why I had traveled halfway across the globe, purposefully avoided the others, made certain they wouldn't be at home when I came to call – Carlisle at work, Esme and Rosalie shopping, Emmet and Jasper hunting – and of course she had seen me coming, and was waiting with what I wanted to know.

But there was something about the careful, uneasy way Alice was showing me her thoughts that disturbed me.

"Why are you censoring your visions? What aren't you showing me?"

Alice sighed. She balled her tiny hands into fists and pressed them to her temples.

"It's confusing. Sometimes I can see her very clearly. But there are times, like right now, for example, where I – "

A dense gray fog covered her thoughts, obstructing her entire vision. She showed me how she tried to see around it, but there was no use.

My heart, if it hadn't been long dead, would have stopped beating at that moment.

"What's wrong? Why can't you see her? What does that mean?"

"I don't know!" Alice snapped, dropping her hands from her temples sharply. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Edward; I didn't mean to yell at _you_. You're not the one with holes in your vision. I feel…extremely…useless." She turned and dropped onto the sofa behind her, her hand shading her eyes.

I began to pace the length of the living room in Esme and Carlisle's London flat, my thoughts in a blur.

"What if there's something wrong? What if she's hurt? In danger?" I stopped pacing abruptly in front of Alice, who had not moved a fraction of an inch. "We have to go back to Forks. Right now. We have to – "

_Edward, calm down._

Alice removed her hand from her face and looked up at me, her golden eyes narrowed slightly.

"You said you wanted to give her a chance to have a normal life. A chance to be happy. And she _is_. If she were in danger, I would see it. Even with these…ugh…walls barring my visions."

"You can't be certain of that, Alice."

She raised one delicate eyebrow at me, defiant. _Do you think you know better than I do how my own visions work?_

"Of course that's not what I'm saying; I'm only suggesting that we go there so that we _can_ be certain that she's safe."

Alice pursed her lips and thought about that for a moment. _And if she's safe, Edward? And happy? Will you be able to leave again?_

Joy rushed through me at the thought of seeing her – Bella, soft and warm, fragrant and so sinfully tempting. I barely heard Alice's silent questions. My eyes were closed and I was with her again, brushing her hair back out of her dark eyes, tracing her face with my hands, wrapping her up in my arms, pulling her close to me, breathing her in. Feeling complete once more.

"Edward?" Alice was saying.

I opened my eyes, shaken from my daydream. "Yes?"

"You didn't answer. Will you be able to leave again if – when – we find her safe and happy?"

"Of course."

Alice knew I was lying.

* * *

**A/N : Yes, yes, I know there is no smut in this chapter. I wanted to address Edward, because I know he would have been checking on Bella through Alice, and of course Alice would have had multiple holes in her visions because of Jake.**

**Also, I know I've been MIA for a L-O-N-G time now. But I had something happen to me today that sufficiently kicked me in my rear. My story was mentioned by the wonderful girls over at Easy As Breathing in one of their podcasts. I honestly don't know much about them or their site, which I only just joined today, but I know that their kind words about my story were to much for me and sent me into writing mode. So if you want to thank anyone for reviving my muse, thank those lovely ladies! I'm still grinning like an idiot. **

**While I cannot promise for more regular updates, I can say that I have recently been able to bring my old, wonderful laptop, Eloise, back from the grave and she works like a charm. No other keyboard or word processing system has ever been as lucky for me as she has been, and every time I tried to write anything on any other computer, nothing would come. So now that I am home again, home again on my dear little laptop, I MIGHT be writing more. I certainly hope I am. I feel quite inspired. I would welcome any and all suggestions you wonderful people might have for me. **

**And ack! It's a plot. Ewwww.**


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